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Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most |
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Amazon Sales Rank: 661
Publication Date: 2000-04
Release Date: 2000-04-03
Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics)
ISBN: 014028852X
Type: Paperback
Number Of Pages: 250
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Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times
"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist
"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters
"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
Average Rating: 
Review: 2008-12-01
Everyone should be able to learn and benefit from this Difficult Conversation book. I wish I had read this book earlier.
Have you ever feel nervous, fear of the consequence and/or in a dilema when trying to bring up this following examples of topics: asking for a raise, ending relationship, giving a critical performance review, confronting disrespectful behavior, disagreeing with the majority in a group, apologizing, telling the painter not to smoke in your house, firing your employee who also happen to be your friend, and the list goes on..
The point is, whether it is as home, at work, at many other places in your daily life, difficult conversation occur everyday (and either it is attempted or avoided). One interesting concept that the writer brought up is that delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade, and whether it is coated with sugar or thrown hard or soft, it is still going to do damage (and there is no such thing as a diplomatic hand grenade).
While this book doesn't promise to solve all the problem that you have with your difficult conversation, I believe this book will help pretty much everyone in one level or another. Having said that, in the end, the result will depend on how we are applying and adapting the principles that were described by the author. I personally have applied some of the learning from this book and have seen positive result, and I do wish I have read this book earlier.
Now let me give a summary on the content of the book (without giving it all away of course):
In handling difficult conversation (disagreement, argument etc), these following steps should be taken to improve the outcome of the conversation (before any problem solving effort should take place):
1. Discussing what actually happened (go to the bottom of the "ladder of inference" and talk about the facts only, and not our observation, interpretation, or conclusion of the facts)
2. Do not ignore the feelings (many times, the issue is deeper that it appears, and that feelings are at the heart of difficult conversation, so acknowledge them, for both parties)
3. Utilize the "Contribution" concept (instead of blaming or being defensive)
4. Self-introspection (have the identity conversation and what this situation mean to us)
5. Really listen to what the other party is saying and their story (without filtering it with your inference and internal voice)
6. Say what you mean (don't expect the other party to mind read you) and be authentic
7. Assume positive intent and try to manage your internal voice
The book talks a lot more detail (of strategies) about each item and the tactical example for each of them. Also on the problem solving section and to create the learning conversation once all the facts has been laid out appropriately.
Hope you will be able to turn your difficult conversation into learning conversation,
Sidarta Tanu
Review: 2008-09-18
Full of how to's
Definitely on my recommended book list. A must read for women in business.
Susan Bock
The Success Coach for Women in Business
www.SusanBockSolutions.com
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Amazon List Price: $15.00
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